Tuesday, August 07, 2007


YOU would have thought that new Premier Gordon Brown would have enough problems - Iraq, Afghanistan, Bush, terror attacks, global warming, floods, the support of the Daily Mail, Ruth Kelly in his Cabinet, etc, etc, etc.

Then foot and mouth disease strikes again.

Can it get any worse? Gordon must have been asking himself.

Well yes, it can, Gord.

Unfortunately, your Government department in charge of the outbreak, DEFRA, has cocked up again.

It has given responsibility for handling phone calls about the crisis to the rottweiller McElhinney!

That's right - Liverpool Direct has been handed the lucrative contract by DEFRA.

Like putting a paedophile in charge of an orphanage.

No wonder you look a bit down in the mouth, Gordon.

Pity the poor farmers who phone up expecting some sympathetic response from the dirty Doc.

He will probably accuse them of plotting the outbreak amongst themselves to get some compensation.

Or worse - he might even insist on asking them for their natural hair colour before ordering his minions to reply.

This new contract follows McElhinney's past successes with Bernard Mathews and bird flu.

What is this connection between McElhinney and sick animals?

What any of this has to do with providing a decent service to the people of Liverpool, who pay the evil, dirty little doctor's astronomical wages, is a complete mystery.

After all, it's not as if the city of Liverpool has been hit by foot and mouth disease.

(Just you wait until 2008! eds)

So Gordon, you have been warned...

Dr David McElhinney


Moaning Mldred said...

I am always putting my foot in my mouth, so I was so pleased with the news that there was a dedicated phone line just for people like moo,
I called Mr Mc but no-one could understand me!
They told me I was a crank!
Obviously I have a problem with moo foot in moo mouth, so they should take that into account when people with this same condition can be aided in their time of need?
Dedicated my arse! Or is that my sweaty hoofs I smell?
Its a cow spiracy, moo ve over DR whoever macdefraldl, let a real expert rule the herd.
Vegeterians rule but their poo stinks!

Anonymous said...

Hopefully Gordo will realise and Brown Bounce him off the job - if he does it hard enough he might be able to bounce him right out of the City

Anonymous said...

The connection between Mcilhenny and sick animals is that both should be humanely destroyed for the sake of the rest of us

Tori Blare said...

To Ann, they closed the Stanley Abetiore, where's the nearest one?
Best idea suggested on this blog yet!