Thursday, March 13, 2008

Jase thought he had it boxed off...until the bald legal eagle swooped!

MYSTERY today surrounds the contents of eight huge boxes seized by city council chiefs from the Harbarrowboy.
Speculation is rife that as well as ice cream recipes and a fair amount of CoC Up branded merchandising tat, the confiscated haul also included copies of confidential emails.
It is also alleged that the seizure included Harbarrowboy's personal notes of a series of meetings between him, Fireman Bradley, the Storeyteller and Cover Up.
Together with details about other key Culture Company and Culture Board personnel - including our Lord Redmond.
So what is going on?
When the Harbarrowboy was asked to clear his desk at the Millennium House Fun Palace, he left strict instructions with his PA that all his personal effects should be placed in boxes and shipped over to the hacienda in Spain.
This was apparently agreed with Cover Up as part of his £250,000 pay-off.
Included in the deal, at Jase's strong insistence, was his little laptop computer - an ancient steam-powered jobbie that was still loaded with WIN95.
It appears that Jason Orange actually liked the 'blue screen of death' because every time his laptop crashed, it reminded him of all the events he'd CoC'd-up during his sojourn as "Chief Executive of Nothing".
By the time the Harbarrowboy's secretary had gathered together all his personal clutter, she had managed to fill SIXTEEN large boxes.
(That's an awful lot of 'T' shirts, badges and CoC bollocks, eds)
These sixteen boxes were then referred to the late lamented bald legal eagle, Ken Unworthy, former city solicitor.
His department was given responsibility for vetting the entire contents of the boxes and signing them off for shipping to Espagna, por favor.
So the bald eagle got down from his perch and began scrabbling through the Harbarrowboy's assembled knick-knacks to make sure he wasn't looting the Council's property and stuffing the boxes with council issue paper clips, rubber bands and indiarubbers.
It's far from clear precisely what instructions for stuffing that Jase had given his secretary.
But after the bald eagle had finished rummaging through Jase's haul, the sixteen boxes had been whittled down to just EIGHT.
It took an urgent meeting with Cover Up, who was given a detailed report on the sequestrated contents, before the remaining boxes were cleared for dispatch to the hacienda.
What is beyond doubt is that the Council had recovered a sizeable chunk of its own property from the sixteen boxes.
If Jase had taken a leaf out of Sir Diddy's book, of course, he would have got one of his minions to shred all the incriminating files, dodgy dossiers and backhanders one quiet weekend when no-one was looking.
So we are now starting a City of the Dead competition.
What was amongst the items seized?
First prize of a box full of paperclips goes to the person who makes the best suggestion.


Anonymous said...

It wuz mainle justt me pies

Anonymous said...

My Diddy spys are on the job.
So far I am able to reveal;

200 Bottles of Max Jaffa Self Tanning Lotion.

1 Pair of baggy Underpants
bearing logo "The Future's Bright, The Future's Jason" (slightly stained) still in xmas wrapping paper,

1 Used Jar of Marmalade Facial Scrub.

1 Tour guide book of Holland, with note attached "Cogloose, try and find out where the pie factory is, they are my favourite Mmmm slurp"

2 photographs. One fake picture, done on photoshop of an Orange Lambanana and Bradley with his head rammed up the rear end legs waving (actually we think it's real) and a picture of Redmond with teeth blacked out and glasses drawn on.

Finally, A copy of an Email sent to Clara McCogloose attached to box of rancid Manx Kippers.
It says; Clara, my new shoes are killing me could you nip out and get me some mens' slippers.

If I get any more, I'll let you know.

Anonymous said...

It takes a lot of boxes to fit in that much bare faced cheek. Presumably the council removed some because it wanted some for itself.